In 2012 I had a dream my house was on fire. At the time it was me and Chris (my husband) living here with our two cats, Eleanor and Sasha. In the dream I was trying to get the cats in their carriers to get them out of the house. I got Sasha into her carrier and out safely and ran to get Eleanor into hers but she wouldn't, and I couldn't, get her to come out from under the bed. My husband Chris was nowhere to be found. I woke up. It got my attention.
At this point in time, most of you know, my husband Chris has since passed, Sasha is in good care in another home and it is just me and Eleanor. The dream was significant and still is.
Eleanor is my heart, she's been through A LOT, it can't be emphasized enough what this precious being has gone through and done for me personally over the past 4 years, especially the first 3 of those. Now it's time for 'me' to come out from under the bed and share my story...so here goes.
May 22, 2012 I was going to get my hair colored with something called a rinse. I had never colored my hair like this before. I was told it would wash out in a month and it wasn't permanent. It took months of comments I received from a few people "oh you'll feel so much better if you cover your greys"..the thing is, I didn't have any issue with my greys until it kept being pointed out..then I spoke with my new hairdresser at the time about it and she said to get a rinse put on, that it will wash out and wasn't so harsh with all those chemicals. After 3 months back and forth and lots of coaxing, I decided I'd do it for my 50th bday which would have been in June but I did it early.
Before I left the house that day, my husband Chris said, "You don't have to do this you know, I certainly don't care about that stuff and I like your hair the way it is". It didn't feel right, I knew it and yet off I went.
On the way there I repeated and infused myself with focus on positivity to 'drown out the thoughts/feelings I was having' with some kind of luck, so I thought. I arrived there and noticed straight on my hairdresser was having a bad day, more stomach flops for me. I sat down in the chair and she then proceeded to put a permanent hair dye on my head by mistake! 2 hours later it felt as if someone poured gasoline throughout my entire body and lit me on fire. Blood, bones, cells, brain, head...on FIRE.
It was agonizing torture.
My husband rushed me to the urgent care and they wanted to pump me with steroids/prednisone shots. I knew that wasn't what I wanted. I knew it would push these unbelievably horrific symptoms deeper into my body and I'd never get to the root. I knew intuitively that is exactly what HAD to happen if I was going to truly get out and through this hell. I knew that if I went down the road they were offering, that would be my life. I knew this was beyond serious business and if I didn't make drastic changes in my diet and essentially my life, it would be no life at all. I refused the shot.
We went home with a freezer full of frozen peas and my husband packed me in ice from head to toe, after spending some hours rolling around on the floor wailing in pain. I'd have the ice packs on me for hours and hours at a time and it couldn't even touch the fire raging. Imagine a volcano full on... that was my head and the rest of my body on fire as well. I didn't know it was possible to be on fire and not see flames coming out everywhere. It was so beyond my scope of possibility of what one could experience. It felt as if my brain and body was being completely and utterly cooked. This is where it began. This was my wake up call.
This was just the beginning...more later. Thanks for reading so far.